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Leave a tender moment alone...

For as long as i can remember i have always had dreams at night. It sort of makes it fun and exciting. Dreamless nights are a rarity for me (I also talk in my sleep... but that's a different story). In fact the last dreamless night i can remember was the last night of the recent long and sleep-deprived Thanksgiving Weekend. My dreams can vary from the interesting to the disturbing and somewhat lurid, to the amusing and exciting, and many a nights the very annoying.

There seems to be only one apparent pattern or trend to these dreams, the rest are just random stuff. Well some are not completely random but there seems to be no lucidity on most of the random dreams. In a dream several years ago, i was in World War II being chased by the Americans in Jeeps armed with Machine Guns and some P-51 Mustangs in air pursuit. P-51 Mustang!!! Ya weird stuff... Some sort of makes sense. Like for instance on my cousin Francis' 2nd year death anniversary almost a decade ago, i dreamt i woke up at 4:30 am and got my snowboarding gear ready, then drove across the sea to the Philippines to pick up my dead cousin. I guess i was gonna take him to Big Bear? Of course when i arrived it occurred to me he had passed the year before. It is interesting how my subconscious worked. I think it is a testament to our childhood friendship. That is what we did back in the day, we hung out all the time.

The pattern at the risk of sounding Freunden-like seems to have something to do with whatever my focus or mindset is currently set on (Especially if there is a girl involved). It seems the more and more i consciously try not to think of my current focus, the more intense it actually gets. It's quite annoying... My current focus, though undeniably out of reach, seems to be unshakable. That's what i don't get, ya know? Why is it that i want or long for things i can't have? Hah i suppose if you're gonna dream, dream big right?....... Or something like that. My good friend in Denver, she likes to tell me to get a new focus. Yes a new focus... You gotta love people who offer free Psychoanalysis. Right, right. Thank you! How could i have not known that?!? lol In her defense though, she is absolutely correct. However it is never that easy because it isn't just a matter of flicking the switch. It a long drawn out process. So calm down okay?

Furthermore Denver girl is somewhat responsible for the recent spike in my dreams anyway. I can't quite remember what the heck it was, i just know she blurted something out as a joke about my focus girl sometime over a week ago and i have been dreaming about the girl ever since. A stupid thing about these dreams is that it often wakes me up at the end no matter how boring or exciting the dream. Like a movie, you have to leave the theater when it ends. It seems to have no regard for time either because it occurs usually between 2-4 am. Yup it's when everyone i know is fast asleep. I remember uttering something unpleasant i would rather not say here when i woke up at the end of that particular dream that morning...

As a final note i would like to say that my recurring dreams seemed to have withered away (a great heartbreaking story behind that by the way...). I am not sure i want to say "Good Riddance" necessarily though because that recurring dream has brought me more than just bad things. I can say that the abrupt disappearance feels bittersweet however...

Posted by: Marc Gabay
Tuesday, November 27, 2007