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Driving in LA

LA's public transportation is not as facile as, say, NYC or Manila (Philippines). In Manila you're better off without a car because of the city's convoluted traffic system, plus they have all sorts of public transportations (... tricycle, jeepneys, buses & cabs even bicycles in certain towns). In LA if you do not have a vehicle you can pretty much kiss your lovelife goodbye because the only girls that will give you the time of day are one's without cars themselves which narrows down your choices. Scratch out the sophisticated organic wholefoods eating women too while your at it... besides they only date white guys anyway (... fact, wholefoods & white guy dating Filipinas; synonymous). Hey, thats a great blog idea... anyway.

Driving in LA County is often interesting and sometimes downright terrifying. It's interesting because LA is trully the world's melting pot. Perhaps Graham the character played by Don Cheadle in the movie Crash put it best "It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something". The Los Angeles Paradox, isn't it?

The first accident i was ever involved in was a big pile up on the north bound Highway 168 in San Diego caused by a drunken Caucasian fellow in a white Ford Truck. The next one, i was sitting in my car in a parking lot in Van Nuys waiting for my girlfriend when this old Lady who claimed she'd forgotten to wear her DMV required glasses backed right into my driver-side door. And finally south bound on the Interstate 5 on my way to a Poker Tournament in the Bicycle Casino on a rainy Wednesday, traffic was light due to an accident off the Colorado exit when a Chinese fellow who spoke no English somehow lost control of his Nissan Maxima ramming it directly into my rear bumper after i had been at a full stop for almost 30 seconds. I guess he didn't notice that all cars are at a complete stop?

It is often terrifying not only because of the seemingly inexplicable random shootings on the 10 Freeway but of stupid drivers... That Asian lady that's hell bent on getting on the fast lane immediately after entering the freeway then drives a despicable 55 mph when she finally gets there while everyone else is doing over 70. This is maybe why we have random freeway shootings at all. Maybe Marcelous Wallace or some gangster was having a bad day when the Chinese lady in her Honda Accord jumped his lane 20 mph slower sending him in a break- slamming panic, therefore he shot her... What about that idiot who signals indicating the intent to change lanes but taps on the breaks for no apparent reason (... but to look over the shoulder before changing lanes... grrr) frightening you into a breaking hysteria and causing the "What-The-F" gesture, therefore you shoot them lol... But more so than the stupid drivers are the speed-racers. They should be shot. Sure i was young once, driving a car with a factory turbo, and i still long or actually plan to bolt-on a turbo in my car, but only to blast-through the on-ramp or a long straight away, but not to race on the freeway endangering lives and potentially causing fatal accidents. The County of Los Angeles has done something about this passing a no-race-tolerance policy which will get your wanna-be race-car impounded with no possibility of retrieval and a suspended DL. So if you have a leanholder and you get caught racing your new RSX, you're F@$%k...

The last subject in my Driving in LA diatribe is the complexities of parking. I'm sure this is prevalent in all Metropolitans so i'm not going to delve. Instead i'll talk about the city of Arleta where i live (... which is pseudo because Arleta doesn't exist even in Map Quest but rather Pacoima which is pretty much Tijuana by virtue of inhabitants and sites). It is an ugly town inhabited by thieves and thugs. My neighbor has had his Honda Civic Coupe which is bone stock stolen twice. Hence i do not park my Honda Civic outside. Can you believe this? On top of this ridiculous complexity my other neighbor has difficulty parking her Toyota Camry without banging into other cars, mostly her husband's or daugther's car (... once Marco's hahaha). So beside theft i have her to worry about too. And so the Civic is never parked outside leaving me with no choice but to park it in the driveway (which is fine except i have to move it every morning)... Her loving husband, fearing a mishap, dutifully supervises while she backs out of the driveway every morning... Yep very National Geographic-esque.

Posted by: Marc Gabay
Monday, April 17, 2006