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Simi Valley Mexican

There's authentic Mexican Food and there's Americanized Mexican Food. Taco Bell, according to my good hardcore Mexican friend Alex, is a disgrace to all Mexican Food. To Alex and i, the only Mexican Fast Food Chain place that is somewhat authentic is probably Pollo Loco. That fire-grilled Chicken is not bad at all... Me, i am self-proclaimed Mexican Food Critic and i love me some Mexican Food. Culturally, I don't know a lot about Mexican Food but i can tell you Authentic from Americanized as good as anyone. Together, Alex and i, objectively and subjectively are very critical when it comes to Mexican Food.

Our work is located in a mountainous place called Simi Valley, in the outskirts of Los Angeles... where Mexican Food is almost scarce. A lot of people who's lived in L.A. most of their lives has never even heard of Simi Valley (well until it set itself on fire last Summer). Although not geographically distant from L.A. where most good Mexican Restaurants are situated, the Mexican Food is quite different. Alex and I have yet to figure it out why this is so. My theory is that the farther a town is to where Mexicans actually live the worse off the Mexican Food (as stupid as that sounds). The Mexican Food in Mammoth Mountain for instance is so bad they might as well call it Taco Bell (Carrrrrnee Asada). That said, the Mexican Food in mountainous Simi Valley isn't very bad but you can't say they're very good either. In comparison to the San Fernando Valley or L.A. Mexican Restaurants however, Simi Valley Mexican food does not hold a candle. Let's use the Mexican fast food Que Ricos as an example. A fair assessment would quality this Mexican joint as average... I have been working in Simi Valley for 6 years now and none that we have tried even comes close to Que Ricos (and that's saying a lot). It has gotten so bad that Alex and I have sub-categorized the Mexican Food there as "Simi Valley" quality. Have you ever tried TGIF's quesadilla? It's that bad...

One day, after having another bad experience at a new Mexican place Scott (the white guy at work-- who has a taste for Simi Vally Mexican Food) recommended, Alex and I had decided enough was enough. We were sick and tired of the abominable Simi Valley quality. We had to take drastic measures. In an attempt to wash our hands off the bad Simi Valley Mexican Food Quality, Alex recommended we get some real Mexican Food. Which only meant we were driving outside of Simi Valley, far away from the white Mexican food quality. His idea was not just any good Mexican Food like Que Ricos or Titos Tacos (which Scott admittedly had liked-- even ordering extra to take home when he used to work around the Culver City area) but the much revered Mexican Restaurant King Taco. Tacky name if you ask me. It's like naming your first born "Bad Ass" or something, i mean come on, King Taco?? I imagine it must have been a hard and risky decision to make when the original owners were coming up with names. I mean, what if it didn't work? What if it turned out to be a bust? Fortunately for them, King Taco has become one if not the most recognizable names in Mexican Cuisine here in Los Angeles. It ain't no fluke i tell you that.

Anyway, we drove out 45 miles away to Lincoln Heights just so we could finally put an end to this Simi Valley and Los Angeles Mexican Food banter. And to make things uncomplicated, we ordered nothing but Tacos (too bad they still do not make fish tacos). We got Carne Asada, lengua (pork tongue), Al Pastor, Sope and one of my all time favorites, Carnitas. Save for the Carne Asada, Scott has never even heard of any of that stuff. And we didn't tell him he ate tongue taco haha. Naturally, because i haven't had King Taco since the Long Beach Grand Prix in April of 2006, i overate a little. Then, just as soon as i gulped down my last Carnitas taco with fervor, Erik, the other Filipino in my group who was also gulping down a Taco, solemnly reminded me it was Ash Wednesday. Damn it, I completely forgot man. "Wurrr nuuut supppp eaaitingg jish rite now" he said with a mouth chockful of Carne Asada. Damn that Alex. Of course the first thing out of my Mom when i got home was whether i ate meat or not. I just kind of gave her a pained guilty look.

Sorry for the digression. Anyway, the tacos were great. I had two of each kind, which by any standard is quite a bit of food. Then, an hour later i noticed that Jim was still not in the office. I thought of eating his portions, covertly. In case he still came in though, i needed plausible deniability. However, having already broken a rule, my conscience was not in favor of the covert taco looting lol. So i called Jim and he gave me the go ahead hahahaha. Even the Simi Valley Born and Simi Valley Mexican Food fateful Scott thought the tacos were great...

A few days later however, as if to undo all of our efforts to prove our Mexican Food theory, we went to this fairly new Mexican Grill called Chipotle (It's not a Simi Valley thing but still...). Like King Taco, the sheer name alone suggest the place is pretty darn Good, right? I mean you can't really name a Mexican Restaurant 'King Taco' or 'Chipotle' (a pungent red pepper, often pickled and eaten as an appetizer or used for cooking. I mean it's a Mexican thing...) just because you think it's cool. It has to be good...

Evidently this new Mexican joint got a little creative with the Burrito, their proclaimed specialty. You can have your Burrito in Fajita Style or regular meaning with pinto or black beans. Alex has actually been there before and refers to it as the Subway of Mexican Food joints because of the similarity of preparing the food (right behind the counter). Kind of a nice touch i thought... While waiting in line i began to warm up to what i thought was an odd idea at first, the Fajita Style Burrito. I'd never of it before i guess (so much for critiquing). Since creativity seemed to be the theme I got really creative and ordered a Carnitas (pork) Burrito, Fajita Style with Black Beans along with Rice, Cheese, Sour Cream, Pico de gallo, Guacamole (for an extra $1.50), cilantro and extra Onions. As a result, it was a bulging double double Burrito, which is not necessarily good. The tortilla was on the thinner side too which made the Burrito all the more vulnerable to collapsing, and it did as soon as i took a bite. Worse yet, they put so much green and red peppers i couldn't taste the Carnitas they explicitly claimed to be Seasoned and Braised for hours.

I guess its time to go back to King Taco...

Posted by: Marc Gabay
Tuesday, February 27, 2007