Monday, March 12

I heart Nurses

Written in chalk above the Trashcan in my Grandmas Hospital Room glaringly read "NO TRACH", in big BOLD letters. I seemed to be the only one who'd notice it although i had been the last person to enter the room. Immediately upon reading the blatantly misspelled sign i thought to myself "God i hope that's not my Grandmas Nurse who wrote that". I mean "Trash" with a "C", what kind of person makes that kind of a mistake? A nurse no less...

When i got over that rather stupid peculiarity and had my chance to see Grandma, once a strong brooding presence in my childhood, i suddenly felt helpless. Seeing her in such a weak fragile state made me feel profound sadness (Although this time i held back tears. Last time she was in a hospital i was a mess). I have never lost anyone close to me before so the possibility of losing Grandma in the near foreseeable future stirs up some unknown emotions. Well at least i was not around when my closest pal and cousin Francis passed away several years ago. It was more like a distant and delayed grieving. It was very strange. And i will forever be sorry for not being able to attend his funeral. On the last day of my recent Philippine trip i was in tears as i bid him farewell at his grave.

Sitting there watching Lola (meaning Grandma) breath through a respirator unable to speak to us, though she'd had a long and happy life, made me somewhat hate life a little bit. I'm not so sure why we must suffer such horrible fates to leave this life? Save for maybe accidental deaths and other unforeseen reasons, shouldn't there be a more lucid way of departing? Must we grief every time we lose a love one? I guess we are part of the Animal Kingdom after all where deaths are very Barbaric and often even considered as Natural Deaths when killed and eaten as prey by a Natural Predator. It's just the way it is, ecologically speaking... Humans though atop the Food Chain in some ways suffer similar fates, don't you think? Sometimes i wonder if human causes of death are simply our natural predators. Like Cancer to humans is what Lions are to Antelopes or something... Either way it is very unfair. In many many occasions love ones suffer for months even years before they go. Where is the rational in that?

We only had 25 minutes of visiting time to spare when we arrived at the hospital, thanks to the flower shop which inexplicably took almost 45 minutes to prepare the flowers. I felt guilty for arriving late and my face betrayed it i'm sure. Retrospectively i rather we arrived early and had more time to visit than being botanically late. It felt almost like we were just dropping by instead of visiting. Anyway, our saving grace was that my moms sister who happens to be a head nurse in the same hospital was also visiting. We were able to stay 45 minutes past the alloted time without much fuss. Besides all the freakin' Nurses there are Filipinos. I doubt any one of them had it in them to kick us out, not with the head Nurse looming around. Plus Filipinos are Hospitable in nature (no pun intended) haha. Nursing has become the Filipino's official work force. Every other Filipino that has migrated to the US in recent years are Nurses, even the Tourist ones. My sister has even jumped on the bandwagon, she has become a cliche'... I don't know about you guys but i don't like Hospitals. Not what it stands for of course but what it means when one must visit a hospital-- because there is never really a good reason to visit, is there? I don't like that caustic medicinal Smell. I mean what is that? The smell of Death? And why do Hospital always look immaculately sterile, even the restrooms-- its creepy. You almost do not want to touch anything for fear of an outbreak or something... By the same token, Nurses remind me of the same things, imminent Death or at least sick people. Kind of sinister i know but i can't help it sometimes. I hate their fluffy cake-like uniforms that never seem to look spiffy and their spunkiness while treating patients. They're very polished at what they do but yet you never seem to trust them completely with their cheapy clipboards (do you know what i mean? LOL). I wont even say anything about the Filipino Gaylord Fockers... All i know is that they always look like they've got skeletons hiding in the closet, ya know?

However they are all a regular Rembrandt in some ways and their profession is indisputably noble. They are our modern day Nightingales... I have no doubt that my Grandma, however fragile she is now in her old age, is well taken care of by skilled and caring Nurses. And i suppose it doesn't hurt too that most of them are Filipinos. I am sure she doesn't mind that one bit...


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