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Curb your paranoia

Have you ever been accused of something absurdly stupid?

Okay I'll start with the garden variety parent type of paranoia accusations before we get to the brunt of the impact. My parents have accused me in more than several occasions of being a drug addict... Several times in High School and once in College. If you're a close friend of mine you know that I hate drugs and have never taken any type of narcotics except marijuana which I tried maybe twice in my life. Just recently my father asked me to come out of my room and and sit down with him for a few minutes. This usually means a serious talk about something important... When I walked away from this session I was perplexed beyond belief. Apparently one of his good friend's kid was caught dealing and was going away for life. My Dad seemed to have a genuine concern for his friend. But I know my dad doesn't think I'm dealing drugs, besides there aren't any symptoms that I do. Perhaps maybe it was his way of telling me he loves me, maybe by virtue of the fact that his friend's kid was getting locked up for the rest of his life gave him some perverse reason to get close to me by having a serious talk about a subject that has no apparent bearing in my life.

But they're my parents, they're old school. They still remind me to bring the tupperware back home...

The Brunt:

Before I went into a two year dating hibernation & obscurity I was in a relationship for 3 years that evolved into a Marriage that lasted 1 year then followed by a tumultuous 4 1/2 year relationship with another woman. But as decadent & fruitless as it was I did gain a true friend in her. As in many relationships there was infidelity that caused turmoil and stress. In the end we decided it was best to part ways. We did remain friends and kept the promise of occationally seeing each other. Often these ex gf/bf relationships will cease to exist once one ventures into a new relationship. In our case she was first to do so, I was happy for her which is quite uncommon for an ex boyfriend but I am a true advocate of love & happiness even for someone who broke my heart . Anyway I was happy for her.

She gave him all of her heart and confessed her past (yes even the unfaithfulness part). I think this was a good thing, after all everyone has a past. Coming clean was her way of approaching a new relationship with open arms. But little did she know he's had a history of abandonment by his love ones. Parents were divorced at an early age and due to this circumstance he was forced to live with other family who passed him along to members of their family. His childhood consisted of living in communal homes with other relatives. Unfortunately her confession stirred up a new form of problem, a chronic paranoia.

One month into their relationship she became pregnant. Because of his paranoia she was no longer allowed to see her old friends (whom he considers guilty by association). Naturally she became depressed. She started to call periodically to vent her frustrations, she sounded as if she was in the verge of going into deep depression. She asked me to come see her at her job which I declined fearing that I might interfere with her life. She understood at first but the situation escalated to a full blown chronic problem, the new bf now was disowning their unborn child claiming that it was mine (for the record no it is not mine). She begged me to come see her, she said that she just needed someone to talk to, she was crying out for help. I finally conceded. As her ex boyfriend and good friend for almost five years i suppose i made an indelible mark in her heart and that i could comfort her, and so i went to see her on my day off. It was good to see her, it felt good that she found solace in me even only for a few moments.. The only problem was we under estimated the new BF's paranoia, he was watching from the parking lot across the street. And no he didn't hear our conversation or had prior knowledge of our meeting he simply watched her like a stalking killer on a daily basis. When i left he followed for a few blocks before retreating. This put resolve to his paranoia and suffice it to say this made matters worse.

Fast forward to post birth:

I can only imagine the enduring months of her pregnancy coupled with his paranoia. During the months that followed there were several inquiries by text and voicemails made by the new BF in attempts to get me to admit guilt. These would be followed by apologies from her.

She changed her new cell number, I'm sure this was another effort to tend to her bf's paranoia. I am only aware of this change because she called to verify if I had called her new cell phone, of course in response I said I couldn't have called the new cell because I wasn't aware of it (I found out later that I was on speaker while the BF listened in on the background... geez). Apparently some guy had left her a message to call back, naturally I became the suspect of choice.

Most recent episode:

Thursday 9/22. On my way to my Basketball game in Chatsworth I get a text from her new cell number (I didn't memorize her new cell I just assumed it was hers by the content).

- The text "Hey its Jess are you seeing *her name*?", I ignored the text. ( who the hell is Jess?)
- Next text "Stay the F'ck away from *her name*", once again I ignored it.
- Next, the voicemail "F this F that, stop being a home wrecker, BITCH"....

Okay I almost died laughing in my car. Not that this is a laughing matter but there is something comical about a man calling another man a bitch. LOL

After the Game:

- Next text (this this its from my ex gf) "Hey I'm really sorry about all of this, could you please call me because we're on our way to your house".

Okay this is getting out of control. I checked the time stamp and it has been over an hour since the text was sent. Why the hell we're they coming to my house for? I can only pressume to confront me and put an end to his paranoia. Only this was not a great idea because no matter what i would have told him i doubt he'd actually believe. Damn, what if i was home? I cant imagine he'd be able to restrain his anger, would he have taken a swing at me? When I got home I actually looked around the area and the bushes for some possible Ninja activity (and now I'm frekkin paranoid myself).

After 10:30 PM:

- Next text "Hey I'm truly sorry to involve you, You have nothing to do with this. I am sorry".

I found myself shaking my head, profusely. I'm still not sure if this text is from my ex or her bf. I'll assume its from my ex gf because I don't think the bf is man enough to admit he is wrong about me. This has been a long and sordid problem. Immediately after this text I thought about changing my cell phone number. I never had to do this and I feel funny about my reasons for wanting to change it.

"Oh yea I changed my cell phone number because my ex girlfriend's new boyfriend is stalking me, shit"

Hahaha maybe i might.... i mean what's funnier than that??

Posted by: Marc Gabay
Friday, September 23, 2005